Side Effects

When we initially parted ways, I didn't leave any of myself behind. I spent the next few years building my experience, learning about things they couldn't show me due to "lack of time." This absence taught me to be stronger, without having to rub it all in. The memory of me must have sat in the back of their minds, appearing as second best, but never prime. That's alright and I've accepted it - I had No desire to be reminded of the feeling - It's something I could sense in my last few experiences; to be part of something, but still feel isolation.

I didn't think I'd return to this for anything, yet here we are again. I constantly remind myself that they called on me to come back and help them. I've been starting to view this opportunity as more of a favor, not a bargain. I wonder if my employer views it all the same. While I appreciate generous wages, I find more value in the respect I owe myself. Their crew may be reforming, but remember that I came to work with no intentions of befriending anyone. It took me this long to realize that what I desire can't be satisfied with salary and benefits alone. I'm thankful we agreed this would be temporary ... So the story goes.

I never thought I'd say this, but I think the notion of sisterhood in this realm is complete nonsense. No lie, we're all back on that gossiping bullsh!t - I never get involved, but somehow I'm still included in it. I find myself needing to revisit this topic time and time again, because I realize that the feeling never left. I see the effects of this environment, where it brings everyone in the end. Some of you may ask why I write about work hazards so often. I'll keep minding myself and go about my routines until all is said and done. Carry on until then; Business as Usual, "friends."