Crescent Face

on
Awhile back, I wrote about "Happiness Extraction", where the degradation of others takes away from our enjoyment in life. I feel that this "Crescent Face" is on similar terms. Over the last few months, I've been learning how difficult it is to gauge emotional responses at work. It's one of those situations where I can't express myself comfortably, because people view it as abnormal, no matter which way they see it. I've received complaints across the spectrum; "You're too proper," "I don't like the way you look at me," "You're mocking me with your smile," it goes on. People have the audacity to ask, "Why do you act that way?" and make it seem as though I'm not allowed to exist. These interactions make me think twice about behaviors and mannerisms in and out of work.

I know it sounds stupid, but this type of discrimination happens more than I'd like to admit. I'm well aware that it's impossible to entertain and appease all of that. Although, I worry that we may be policed in these situations, because it seems as though happiness actually upsets others. Crazy, Right? These criticisms ruined my self-perception over time and lead me to believe that my attitude doesn't help anyone. Since returning to this job, I've chosen to work silently and stay to myself as much as possible. I don't befriend any coworkers or patrons, because I feel as though my actions get overlooked most, if not all the time. There's a Lacking for Compassion and Consideration, but what can you do. It's all part of working retail and driving the CAR cautiously. *Customer's Always Right*

Kai shot a photo of me the other week and I called it, "Eclipse." An event where glimpses of light shine beyond a darker facade. His photo revealed something I may have kept to myself, but I don't know who else sees it. I've grown self-conscious of my smile, who I share genuine expressions with. I may look intimidating in periods of silence, or even too stiff for some, but I suppose my concept of "professionalism" may be different than others. Believe that there's a genuine human under the rock-hard surface; someone who has thoughts and feelings, just like you. It's challenging to gauge this when it feels like others attack a small slice of happiness. Look here, now we see the rare, Crescent Face.

- - - - - 
Related Content: 

Comments

Post a Comment