One of my Supervisors at work recently said, “People need to let themselves experience Discomfort now and then.” He referred to one of our clients who always demands so much of the staff, but refuses to acknowledge their behavioral flaws. There is truth in my supervisor’s words: the reality that Life will be uncomfortable and unpredictable at some point. I don’t know anyone who actively seeks hurt or frustration, but confronting these parts of ourselves is important - Understanding how to respond and navigate ourselves through difficult times. How can you expect to cross that path if you don’t accept the very things that challenge you?
I held onto an irrational fear that I might never make it to "the other side". I feared that the emotional pain would be too great to endure. There were moments when I wasn’t certain of my own survival. I’d like to remind readers that I’ve never done acts of self-harm, but I am prone to intrusive thoughts. I became prisoner to my own mind and I often feared processing emotions alone. Imagine being stranded on an island, sending bottled messages at sea. I found myself reaching to close friends and family for reassurance. When we were able to openly communicate about certain challenges, I was able to touch base with an essential support system. As helpful and comforting as they are, I must be reminded that Solitude is also necessary to heal myself.
When I started reserving Time to address personal conflicts, I had to remove the idea that the Time to do so was Limited. For Years, I believed that Time was never Mine to begin with. It was difficult to enjoy myself leisurely, because whenever I engaged personal desires, I always felt as though those moments were fleeting. Know that this was my Reality. In order to regain that power, I needed to grow beyond this. One of my old friends, Gene said, “Everyone has Time; it’s how we choose to use it.” Once I started seeing Myself as completely Valid, I understood the depth of his statement. I‘ve referred to his quote and thought about it often enough to have resonated so long. Then there’s that saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” I have to accept that healing isn’t an instant, overnight process.
It is not easy being present with myself, but I‘m making efforts to let feelings flow more freely than ever. I think one of the most critical things that prevented personal growth was refusing to express myself Completely and Honestly. I have since realized that one of my greatest fears is rooted deeply within Rejection: being dismissed for self-expression. Exercising this aspect of myself, I’ve started experiencing physical strain that follows emotional stress. I am learning to express myself verbally when I‘m alone, or while confiding in someone. I've been taking time to revisit people who I haven’t engaged in ages - Knowing who deserves my Trust and Truth is extremely challenging. I’m learning how these expressions are unique to my experience.
Just like he says. "Good Grief.” - Charlie Brown.
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