Within the past month, I attended two family weddings back to back. The first of which was for my cousin Jessica (09/18), followed by my niece Kariel (10/01). Each experience was unique and enjoyable in it's own way. These gatherings shined light on their new unions and gave us pleasant spaces to honor them. I'm grateful for the opportunity to attend and support the newlyweds, even as we move forward on the pandemic timeline. My current social interactions feel limited to my workplace and continued education, so I'm not spending much time outside of that. The moments we're able to share serve as good reminders that there are people who love and appreciate our presence - And the feeling is mutual.
My cousin's wedding ceremony was held at a church near her family's home in Roweland Heights. I think it's safe to say that this is my first time entering a place of Worship since the global shutdown in 2020. I surveyed the cathedral before taking my seat, admiring the flower arrangements and offerings all around. I don't practice Catholicism, but I felt calm within this space. The moment I saw my cousin walk down the isle, my heart filled with awe: she looked exactly like her Mother. After the ceremonies, I greeted the lovely bride and groom to personally Thank them for inviting me. I'm glad that I could be present, as most of my immediate family wasn't able to attend that day; I was eventually joined by some of my older relatives.
There was a moment during the reception where my aunt asked me if I was ever "close" to my cousin. She was someone who grew up within my age range, and naturally our interactions took place at family parties. Our relatives used to comment that we looked alike and shared mannerisms, but I always felt that she was the smarter and more talented one between us. I have my relatives to Thank for that; always comparing educational status and equating academic accomplishments to Success. Experiencing this at every function warped my perception of self, which I'm still unlearning to this day. In any event, I haven’t seen Jessica much within these past years, but that’s what happens when you grow up. This doesn't mean that I love her less as a person, but I sense we are completely different people now as adults.
*****
My niece's ceremony and reception were held at a venue in Huntington Beach. I made it a point to carpool with my family that day, so I could share the experience with them. We fought traffic to be there and thankfully, made it safely with just enough time to get started. When we arrived, some of the wedding guests asked why my brother and I didn't have seats in the front? I wasn't informed of any arrangement to begin with. The so-called "family politics" didn't offend me; I was happy being present with everyone. My brother and I took seats nearing the center isle, so we watched everyone make their entrance from up close. Going into this wedding, I knew this was my niece's event and I understand she designed it in a way that made sense to her and her world.
*****
Fairy Mind Cares,
If Rare Dynamics;
Rain Decays Firm
a Fair Maiden's Cry.
My cousin's wedding ceremony was held at a church near her family's home in Roweland Heights. I think it's safe to say that this is my first time entering a place of Worship since the global shutdown in 2020. I surveyed the cathedral before taking my seat, admiring the flower arrangements and offerings all around. I don't practice Catholicism, but I felt calm within this space. The moment I saw my cousin walk down the isle, my heart filled with awe: she looked exactly like her Mother. After the ceremonies, I greeted the lovely bride and groom to personally Thank them for inviting me. I'm glad that I could be present, as most of my immediate family wasn't able to attend that day; I was eventually joined by some of my older relatives.
There was a moment during the reception where my aunt asked me if I was ever "close" to my cousin. She was someone who grew up within my age range, and naturally our interactions took place at family parties. Our relatives used to comment that we looked alike and shared mannerisms, but I always felt that she was the smarter and more talented one between us. I have my relatives to Thank for that; always comparing educational status and equating academic accomplishments to Success. Experiencing this at every function warped my perception of self, which I'm still unlearning to this day. In any event, I haven’t seen Jessica much within these past years, but that’s what happens when you grow up. This doesn't mean that I love her less as a person, but I sense we are completely different people now as adults.
*****
My niece's ceremony and reception were held at a venue in Huntington Beach. I made it a point to carpool with my family that day, so I could share the experience with them. We fought traffic to be there and thankfully, made it safely with just enough time to get started. When we arrived, some of the wedding guests asked why my brother and I didn't have seats in the front? I wasn't informed of any arrangement to begin with. The so-called "family politics" didn't offend me; I was happy being present with everyone. My brother and I took seats nearing the center isle, so we watched everyone make their entrance from up close. Going into this wedding, I knew this was my niece's event and I understand she designed it in a way that made sense to her and her world.
Once the ceremonies concluded, the staff cleared the floor and converted the wedding hall into a banquet area. While everyone waited, they had an open bar and hors d'oeuvres for guests, as well as a number of photographers documenting the entire event. I impulsively asked the selfie-cameraman to capture me and my siblings together. It felt rare to have all of us gathered and I didn't want to miss the opportunity. Later, I spoke to my niece independently of everyone and Thanked her for the gathering, as it served as a reunion for me and my siblings as well. I struggled to speak with tears in my eyes and told her: for the first time in what feels like an eternity, our whole family was united. In our embrace, Kariel told me that I was the first person to make her cry.
Admittedly, I was not the nicest person to my niece when we were growing up. Even now, I'm forgiving my childhood self for the ways that I acted and even distanced myself from her. I wasn't old enough to appreciate my role as an aunt let alone be a big-sister and I often mistreated her. In retrospect, these experiences impacted me and taught me to do better as an individual. I have since then made efforts to mend any lingering wounds and salvage my relationship with her. Even though our interactions may be limited to social media, I am generally more supportive, caring and open toward my niece now. It took many years for me to be truly accepting and appreciative of this person and the light that she brings into the world. I'm thankful we can still communicate and share moments as we move forward.
Fairy Mind Cares,
If Rare Dynamics;
Rain Decays Firm
a Fair Maiden's Cry.
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