In our youth, the environments we grow up internalize core memories and what we come to identify as Familiar. These snapshots help serve as a foundation for the world that we essentially create for ourselves. Once we reach adulthood, fragments of our childhood remain. That’s when the sense of nostalgia kicks in, when we recognize something we once knew and valued. Even if we don’t realize it, we end up holding onto the most important and definitive parts for ourselves. We can either continue with what already exists around us, or expand beyond what we know. Why stay in a realm of familiarity when there is an entire world to explore?
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I used to know someone who romanticized their past in an unhealthy way. They would fantasize about their family life growing up and frequently projected certain ideas on me. When I think about it now, having some type of inheritance seemed to be high priority to them. They often inquired about the house that I was raised in and why I never claimed ownership of it, when my parents invested in another home ... As if that was any of their business to begin with? Not to sound heartless, but I have little desire to return to our former family home.
With the time that has passed and all of the changes that have occurred, I don’t view my parents old property as my home anymore. Multiple renovations have changed the interior and layout since I was last living under that roof. Many people, relatives and tenants alike, have moved in and out of that space over the last decade. Even though the property is still in my family’s name, I find it difficult to associate parts of my current self with that house. I haven't been drawn into that space in a long time. I have little to zero emotional attachment to “home” since we moved away in the early 2000’s.
It never occurred to me that I’d live under my parents roof for my entire life, whether it was on the mountain or in our old neighborhood. My parents always made it easy to stick around, so I felt like getting my own place was some unreachable pipe dream. While I value their hospitality, I always felt it was important to see new spaces and live my own experiences. This intimidated me though, because I was afraid of life falling apart without my family around to assist. Earlier this year, I made the jump and moved out. The experience has shown me that I’m capable of the independence I desire, so I aim to keep growing.
My parents still warmly welcome me and keep their doors open, should I ever feel the need to come home. This year I’ve learned to love and appreciate my family more than ever since leaving the house. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I’m already thinking about the things I should consider to satisfy my needs once I decide to move again. There are times when I think about returning to my family, but I also realize that I need to take risks in order to see any personal growth. As scary as it may seem, I’m excited to keep going; I hope I’m able to fulfill my desires and continue bringing dreams into reality.
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Old Romantics
Can't Lid Rooms
Mind's Locator
Most Cold Rain
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