A Disputer's Word

When we were kids growing up, my brothers and I occasionally teased one another. You know, the typical sibling quarrels, calling each other names and what not. I remember once Mom overheard us making fun of each other when I said, "You're stupid! Stuuu-pid!" She reacted, "HEY, Stop That! I don't ever want to hear you to say that about yourselves. My Children are NOT Stupid." My young-mind knew that we were joking around, but whenever I recall this memory, I sense that this lit a flame in Mom's heart. If words are vocal projections, does whatever we say reflect who we actually are? 

I don't know how words have impacted the course of our lives, but as an adult, I understand why Mom made it a point that we didn't insult one another. I've been thinking about this childhood memory often enough that it's made me question my relationship with my siblings. I don't consider my siblings Geniuses, but I know that our family has an innate desire to observe and think deeply. How we use information and express knowledge depends on the individual, naturally. So I started wondering if we simply encouraged one another more frequently, would we be any different than who we are today? 

There are some social situations when I feel deflated for not knowing something and I notice how this affects my Ego. I enjoy learning and am well aware that that I don't have to know everything all at once. However, I have a great desire to understand the world, even if some of that information does not benefit me. I recall one of Dad's favorite phrases, "Forever Learner," as he continued pursuing various educational courses well into his sixties. Both Mom and Dad have encouraged me to keep learning and I've since returned to do my own academic searching ... But To What End? 

Every now and then, an awful voice echoes in the shadows of my mind, "You're back at school, Again? How Stupid!" I constantly fight with self doubt, convincing myself that it's Okay to have returned to campus and keep studying. I started attending classes online last year and have continued moving toward certification - All while juggling full-time employment, external hobbies and sustaining some social life. I've been told the path I'm on is incredibly challenging, but rewarding; some have said my efforts are admirable. I'm trying to stay devoted to my original vision at this point. It's just difficult trusting myself when it's the voice inside that calls me an idiot. 

A Disputer's Word : Words are Stupid.