Mom once said, "Don't hold Resentment in your Heart. It eats you up inside and turns you into something you're not." This quote has been resurfacing as I navigate challenges with other people. I'm starting to realize whenever I repeat this mantra, I silence an impulsive part that wants to be loud, angry and upset. Admittedly, I have had difficulty expressing those aspects in the past. I'm aware that I need to exercise my voice calmly and safely in order to grow beyond this. As it would seem, one of my life-long lessons continues to be confronting others about my grievances with them.
Forgiving someone and Excusing someone are not the same thing - these concepts may sound identical, but are actually quite different. I realize this as I need to unlearn "turning the other cheek" as synonymous with "turning a blind eye". What makes this especially challenging is giving others benefit of the doubt; trusting that they are good people with good intentions. I know that silently excusing someone only enables their continued behaviors. I choose not to confront problematic Individuals, because I feel that my own influence is ineffective. The reality being that I quiet myself when I feel truly powerless.
In my family’s culture, we’re taught to respect our elders, so I felt I was in no position to ever question anyone older than me. Being born the youngest of my siblings, I grew up with little concept of using my own voice and relied on my parents to protect me. In social situations, I often felt disregarded because I’m younger; considered inferior, or inexperienced in life. As a result, I grew up with an incredibly reserved demeanor. I tend not to engage people directly unless I’m spoken to first. To this day, I find it incredibly challenging to speak up for myself and I've adapted to a point where my comfort comes secondary.
For some people, they’re able to speak freely without care or consequence and I absolutely envy this. I hope to get better at expressing myself and my concerns, but it seems I haven’t mastered the art of opening up to do so. In the past I recall my sister said, “You don’t have to be Delicate all the time.” I understand not everyone will agree with the things I have to say, nor will there always be positive outcomes. There’s big anxiety that comes with openly acknowledging the things that cause discomfort. I think the important part that I’m still learning is to stand up for myself more confidently, more often.
Unmute Yourself : If you have the capacity to confront someone, do so openly; release them from your grip and move on.
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