I grew up in a household where my father openly talked about his trials and challenges when it came to migrating to the United States. This was an almost weekly topic. It always felt like my siblings and I were being lectured rather than having a conversation about it. All I knew was that Dad talked about how much of a blessing it is that his family lives in the States. I don’t know that Dad still tells these stories, because so much time has passed since the move. I can’t say that I fully understood or appreciated it when I was younger. In retrospect, I think these might have been expressions of pride, or a declaration of his strength as a father & provider.
Since moving away from my family’s home, I have lived in House and Apartment shares. As of late, I’ve been renting a studio on my own. Occupying this space feels like an entirely new experience, even halfway into my first year. To lessen feeling burdened, I’ve gotten into the habit of visiting my family regularly. I’d started coming over weekly to share leftover groceries from the local food bank. When I visit the house to do laundry, I’m often overwhelmed with fatigue. My parents happily welcome me in, to offer meals, shopping, and spend time together. While I’m grateful for all of the provisions, I sense their generosity actually hinders my growth.
While I value solitude, I remind myself that this position in life is not at all a Burden and continuing this path is my decision. There are so many things I’m learning about, specifically how I’m spending my time. I don’t know if I’ve gotten tired of hustling, if coming home puts my worries to sleep, or it’s a combination of both. There have been moments when I lose motivation or energy to take care of any adult responsibilities, but I push forward because there’s work to be done. Life can be a lot for one person to juggle, so I’m doing the best that I can with the resources I have. Though at some point, I hope I can get to a place where I won’t feel like I’m constantly operating on Survival Mode.
“If you had access to Everything, Why would you want to do Anything?”
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Potent Rising : Resting Point : Tint One’s Grip : Grit Stone Pin
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