One of the most difficult lessons on this timeline involves regularly practicing apathy - the Art of Ignoring, if you will. Exercising an absence of expression can be frustrating, because you’re essentially suppressing yourself. Imagine dismissing your impulses and feelings, as if it were disrespectful to show any type of reaction. Shrinking yourself so that others can act freely without consequence only robs you of that energetic catharsis.
Through this experience, I’ve been realizing the importance of Anger, as it shows when boundaries have been crossed. My ability to disassociate has protected me from embodying or absorbing this emotion around others. At the same time, it’s clear that some people have never experienced that side of me. I’ve gotten skilled at quieting this part of myself that others don’t sense my outrage, or know that it exists. When my feeling isn’t acknowledged, I feel invisible.
Whenever I tried to outwardly express myself in the past, I sense someone silenced me one way or another. This was aggravating when I was a little girl, because I didn’t feel heard. I know I was a reactive child, even into my adolescence, but I’ve become reserved over time. More recently, I’ve been advised to ignore those who mistreat me. This is difficult because it’s not even about being the “bigger person,” or forgiving another. I see this more about controlling my responses when someone becomes hostile.
Someone once told me, “I know what it’s like to walk on Eggshells. It’s not a good feeling.” None of us deserve it, yet we’re likely to practice this most frequently in Survival Mode.
~
Clips so Resilient.
Spirit Cell Noise.
Steel Incisor Lips.
Illicit responses.
Through this experience, I’ve been realizing the importance of Anger, as it shows when boundaries have been crossed. My ability to disassociate has protected me from embodying or absorbing this emotion around others. At the same time, it’s clear that some people have never experienced that side of me. I’ve gotten skilled at quieting this part of myself that others don’t sense my outrage, or know that it exists. When my feeling isn’t acknowledged, I feel invisible.
Whenever I tried to outwardly express myself in the past, I sense someone silenced me one way or another. This was aggravating when I was a little girl, because I didn’t feel heard. I know I was a reactive child, even into my adolescence, but I’ve become reserved over time. More recently, I’ve been advised to ignore those who mistreat me. This is difficult because it’s not even about being the “bigger person,” or forgiving another. I see this more about controlling my responses when someone becomes hostile.
Someone once told me, “I know what it’s like to walk on Eggshells. It’s not a good feeling.” None of us deserve it, yet we’re likely to practice this most frequently in Survival Mode.
~
Clips so Resilient.
Spirit Cell Noise.
Steel Incisor Lips.
Illicit responses.
Comments
Post a Comment