Living within my own authenticity has changed how I perceive others. One of the things I’ve noticed is how I respond to people who are performative in nature. It’s annoying to tolerate someone who pretends to be sincere for personal gain. Their expression and tone are the biggest giveaways and it makes me turn away with much disgust. Experiencing their fake kindness brings out the demon in me, but by the time that happens, the moment has already passed.
Sadly, I have a bad habit of moving through unpleasant situations as if my discomfort doesn’t exist. This likely a defense mechanism I’ve developed out of survival, that forces me to behave in a civil way with others. As a result, my long-standing challenge has become navigating the facade I’ve created for myself. Once distaste rears its ugly head, I find it difficult releasing myself from it; this usually unearths lots of loathing for myself and others. There are times when false sincerity is painfully obvious and I have zero desire to engage whoever gives that energy.
Previously, I felt betrayed by these type of fraudulent allies, but I’ve learned over time that I’m actually the one betraying myself. I’m willing to admit that in the past, I always assumed others would value integrity as highly as I do. Some instances of false-kindness still deeply offend me, because being the honest version of myself has only given these people opportunities to take advantage of me. I have blindly trusted and forgiven so many who didn’t deserve my Grace to begin with.
Understanding what triggers me means acknowledging the things that affect me emotionally. I realize I can only account for myself, so I know that these things can’t be controlled or avoided. This doesn’t take away from the inevitable: fraudulent allies exist, but we have to interact with and often cooperate with each other every day. I stopped expecting genuine consideration from people and I realize many will continue to act advantageous toward me. In retrospect, coming to terms with someone’s true intentions always stings the most.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lively Rampart Foe
Relate imply favor
Over Amplify Later
Performative Ally
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2023/03/illicit-responses.html illicit responses
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2022/09/unmute-yourself.html unmute yourself
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2021/08/in-relent-for-work.html front line worker
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2020/08/hot-one-hundred.html - hot one hundred
Sadly, I have a bad habit of moving through unpleasant situations as if my discomfort doesn’t exist. This likely a defense mechanism I’ve developed out of survival, that forces me to behave in a civil way with others. As a result, my long-standing challenge has become navigating the facade I’ve created for myself. Once distaste rears its ugly head, I find it difficult releasing myself from it; this usually unearths lots of loathing for myself and others. There are times when false sincerity is painfully obvious and I have zero desire to engage whoever gives that energy.
Previously, I felt betrayed by these type of fraudulent allies, but I’ve learned over time that I’m actually the one betraying myself. I’m willing to admit that in the past, I always assumed others would value integrity as highly as I do. Some instances of false-kindness still deeply offend me, because being the honest version of myself has only given these people opportunities to take advantage of me. I have blindly trusted and forgiven so many who didn’t deserve my Grace to begin with.
Understanding what triggers me means acknowledging the things that affect me emotionally. I realize I can only account for myself, so I know that these things can’t be controlled or avoided. This doesn’t take away from the inevitable: fraudulent allies exist, but we have to interact with and often cooperate with each other every day. I stopped expecting genuine consideration from people and I realize many will continue to act advantageous toward me. In retrospect, coming to terms with someone’s true intentions always stings the most.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lively Rampart Foe
Relate imply favor
Over Amplify Later
Performative Ally
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2023/03/illicit-responses.html illicit responses
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2022/09/unmute-yourself.html unmute yourself
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2021/08/in-relent-for-work.html front line worker
https://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2020/08/hot-one-hundred.html - hot one hundred
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