When I was a little girl growing up, I didn’t know how to control my emotions and ended up hurting everyone around me. I have difficulty looking back at my younger self, because I know little me was actually a brat; she was often reckless and even cruel to a degree. To this day, I struggle with forgiving the younger, chaotic version of me. With everything that’s happened at this point in life, I feel I’ve grown to be more patient, empathetic and understanding of everything else.
Earlier this month, I started chatting with my niece on social media. We hopped on the phone and got to catch up with each other. Within those 2-hours, we touched base on our memories of one another growing up. Our elder relatives compared us to each other as we were so close in age, and as a result, I wasn’t the nicest person to her. I tended to push her away, because I felt she was more favorable due to her appearance. After some heartfelt discussion, I learned that she looked to me like a big sister and sought my approval.
As a teen, I frequently expressed angst and it became problematic for the bonds I had with others. It took awhile for me to fully release that part of myself, though I realize I could have grieved less, had I acted sooner than later. Once I started letting go of my past hurt, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I simply wanted to love others and be loved in return. One of my greatest desires now is to show up as the best version of myself with this person and all of my loved ones.
Within the past few years, I’ve been trying to reach out and salvage the relationship between us. Admittedly, it has been difficult to link due to our schedules. Even as we have entered our adult years, it’s clear that we both desire a healthy connection with one another. I just remind myself that it’s never too late, as long as I’m willing to do the work. I’m thankful they reached out to me and opened the floor for discussion, as it tells me that they’re ready to make amends and move forward together.
A few days prior to connecting with my niece over the phone, I had a vision with her in it:
Patching Up (06/28/2023)
I remember walking around someone’s home; I thought I was inside the Matic house, but it had been remodeled. I was trying to locate the shower, but the bathroom I was looking for had been replaced with a compact kitchenette. In that area, I saw my brother in-law making coffee. He asked if I was going to prepare something at the stove; I said, “This is where the shower use to be. I’m trying to find it.”
Then, my niece came to the house and brought some guests over. A few children followed her into the space, one of which was a little girl. She held her arms out to me as if saying, “come pick me up.” I reached over and held the toddler; I don’t know whose child this was, but they willingly entered my arms. I let them back down gently and other guests followed. One of which was a small old dog.
I want to believe the pet I saw was our family dog, Laddie. His fur looked dirty; mangled and covered in patches, as if he hadn’t bathed in a long time. The patches were thick and matted, looking like dragon scales. I tried plucking them off and this pleased him. When I looked closer, the scales turned into jigsaw puzzle pieces. There was lots of cleaning up to do.
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