As a child, I was raised to believe that I needed to balance certain principles in order to lead a fulfilling life. My family emphasized having a solid career for financial independence, Religious devotion for personal enrichment and Familial connections, or strong Community. I always thought my pursuits outside of those things were irrelevant, either leisure or hobby. Since entering my thirties, I’ve been trying to explore and understand where I fit in the world. This has been challenging, because most of the time I feel out of place, still finding my way.
For the past few months, I’ve been putting more effort into engaging the Flow Arts community and related events. It excites me to connect with others through this medium. Lately, I’ve met individuals who have found ways to balance their careers outside of Flow and still pour into their own creativity. This has been encouraging for me, because I previously thought my current career in medicine and artistic passions couldn’t coexist. Giving myself more grace and practicing compassion with others has helped me be more accepting of the time and space we’re able to share together.
Being in a relationship with someone who actively pursues their creative passions has also introduced me to a world of artists I wasn’t even aware of. I’ve been able to spend more time with my boyfriend and meet some of his performance art communities; most of which have been kind and welcoming. The critical part of me felt anxious about being an ‘outsider,’ because I don’t view myself as a Stage Performer. My goals do not necessarily involve an audience, but I see how my art would be perceived as such. I initially engaged flow arts for my own progress and have grown to enjoy sharing with others.
There are moments in my own practice where people have asked if I dance professionally, if I attend any music festivals or raves. The truth is: I have been invited to flow at local events and have attended at least one music festival by now. Some part of me still feels self-conscious when I attend public spaces. I know that doing flow arts will attract others to watch me, but I don’t feel the same level of comfort as when I’m exploring on my own time. Instead of being critical of my performance, I'm starting to approach these situations for my own enjoyment.
How can I gauge an experience if I haven’t even done it for myself?
“You’ll never know if you don’t Go, You’ll never shine if you don’t Glow.”
I didn’t think I’d be quoting All Star by Smash Mouth, but the sentiment fits. Thanks for the Encouragement - Rest in Peace, Steve Harwell.
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Reformer All Parts
Far Stellar Romper
All Star Performer
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