The human body is an amazing vessel that retains so much information. Everything that occurs outside of the body is considered external stimuli. When the body responds negatively to stimuli, we refer to it as being triggered. Any combination of sights, sounds, scents, tastes, or touch could trigger a response. The brain stores these experiences and uses the amygdala to sort our emotional responses.
When we undertake high levels of stress, this can impact our perception and how we function. It might become difficult determining what is and isn’t safe; people might become hyper-vigilant as a result. Unfortunately some of us are constantly in Survival-Mode, where we aren’t able to release tension safely. One of the harsher realities of Life: the body remembers Trauma and internalizes what the mind isn’t ready to process.
Some weeks ago, I recalled an incident from my past where I was cornered and physically harmed. There was a disagreement in the car, where the assailant started lashing out. The moment I saw them, I told them to leave; this only enraged them more. I didn’t feel fear, just discomfort at the sight of the abuser. They grabbed and pinched my skin; I remember feeling a sharp sensation. I jerked away and did not succumb to their attacks. When I woke, I knew my mind was only revisiting that memory, seeing someone that no longer has a place, nor holds power in my life.
~
When I removed myself from some of the most toxic people on my timeline, I mourned over decade-long relationships that I thought could seek repair. In reality, the longer that I held onto them only continued hurting me. It was difficult imagining a world without some of these people because I had grown so attached; I had little sense of self. When I look back at who I used to be, I internalized a lot of that pain, but hardly felt comfortable expressing it.
Taking the first step and forging a new path felt like the hardest, because it forced me to face reality alone. I had many apprehensions and did not feel confident in my abilities. At the same time, I knew that I needed to act independently as a testament to myself. These moments taught me to Trust and Listen to myself more. Over time, it’s become easier for me to walk away from the things that I reserve no desire.
Investing time in Therapy helped me rediscover the parts that had been silenced for so long. I started making better decisions for me. I left a lot of unhealthy habits and thoughts behind as well. Most, if not all of which prevented from living my authentic self. This was challenging at first, because I couldn’t picture what life would be like moving forward. The bottom line: I knew that I wanted to heal and grow into my best self.
A few years later; I finally feel like I’m thriving and enjoying the life that I actively choose. This is in no way an overnight accomplishment and realistically, no one fully recovers from the scars left from trauma. As much as I want to erase the memories where I experienced the most anguish, I can’t undo what has already happened. The beauty of it is to reprocess those events and move above and beyond the old ways.
Because I’m human, I know I will keep making mistakes and occasionally experience former versions of myself. However, I remain patient with my progress and am grateful for the effort that’s been made to get here. I can’t remember who said this, or where I read it, but I want to record the sentiment: The further you move away from the Mountain, the smaller it gets; until one day, you’ll find yourself walking and it disappears. Until then, Keep Going.
~
Be Meshed by Tremor
Smothered by Ember
Remembered by Host
The Body Remembers
When we undertake high levels of stress, this can impact our perception and how we function. It might become difficult determining what is and isn’t safe; people might become hyper-vigilant as a result. Unfortunately some of us are constantly in Survival-Mode, where we aren’t able to release tension safely. One of the harsher realities of Life: the body remembers Trauma and internalizes what the mind isn’t ready to process.
Some weeks ago, I recalled an incident from my past where I was cornered and physically harmed. There was a disagreement in the car, where the assailant started lashing out. The moment I saw them, I told them to leave; this only enraged them more. I didn’t feel fear, just discomfort at the sight of the abuser. They grabbed and pinched my skin; I remember feeling a sharp sensation. I jerked away and did not succumb to their attacks. When I woke, I knew my mind was only revisiting that memory, seeing someone that no longer has a place, nor holds power in my life.
~
When I removed myself from some of the most toxic people on my timeline, I mourned over decade-long relationships that I thought could seek repair. In reality, the longer that I held onto them only continued hurting me. It was difficult imagining a world without some of these people because I had grown so attached; I had little sense of self. When I look back at who I used to be, I internalized a lot of that pain, but hardly felt comfortable expressing it.
Taking the first step and forging a new path felt like the hardest, because it forced me to face reality alone. I had many apprehensions and did not feel confident in my abilities. At the same time, I knew that I needed to act independently as a testament to myself. These moments taught me to Trust and Listen to myself more. Over time, it’s become easier for me to walk away from the things that I reserve no desire.
Investing time in Therapy helped me rediscover the parts that had been silenced for so long. I started making better decisions for me. I left a lot of unhealthy habits and thoughts behind as well. Most, if not all of which prevented from living my authentic self. This was challenging at first, because I couldn’t picture what life would be like moving forward. The bottom line: I knew that I wanted to heal and grow into my best self.
A few years later; I finally feel like I’m thriving and enjoying the life that I actively choose. This is in no way an overnight accomplishment and realistically, no one fully recovers from the scars left from trauma. As much as I want to erase the memories where I experienced the most anguish, I can’t undo what has already happened. The beauty of it is to reprocess those events and move above and beyond the old ways.
Because I’m human, I know I will keep making mistakes and occasionally experience former versions of myself. However, I remain patient with my progress and am grateful for the effort that’s been made to get here. I can’t remember who said this, or where I read it, but I want to record the sentiment: The further you move away from the Mountain, the smaller it gets; until one day, you’ll find yourself walking and it disappears. Until then, Keep Going.
~
Be Meshed by Tremor
Smothered by Ember
Remembered by Host
The Body Remembers
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