Don’t Slay Wars

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I used to think that “having the Last Word” equated to some type of Strength. My current understanding is that it is actually an act of dominance. I’m willing to admit that younger, foolish versions of me have gotten into arguments as a result of this logic. I've spent time contemplating on all of the things I coulda' woulda' shoulda' said. Sometimes I have to hold back when there’s so much more that needs to be said. I’ve come to realize sharing no words is a form of response as well. 

Admittedly, there have been moments in the recent past that triggered me to feel internal pain and deep frustration. Lately: someone I tried to help projected themselves and left me no room to talk. They became hostile over the phone and shut me out because they didn’t like how I spoke. By no means am I rude or crass, but this person pushed me into a corner for being Direct. It pained me to sit quietly and receive verbal abuse. This was a work related incident and has been recorded to notify staff. 

For the past few years, I’ve been operating the front desk of a medical office and I am considered a front-line worker. I feel I’ve been conditioned not to argue in this position, because the whole point of my job is to assist others. To my surprise, this is the longest I’ve been with an employer. I have stayed loyal to this facility because I have good, respectful relationships with our team of doctors and staff. My role at the front shows the importance of professionalism and keeping composure during challenging moments.

With all sincerity, this position is not meant for everyone, because operating the front desk means being the first point of contact. The previous times that I have experienced ceaseless conflict, some have rendered me speechless. I know I’ve felt such intensity in personal relationships before and the best way to describe the sensation is having emotional heartburn. As if walking into a fight where I cannot defend myself; I don’t feel well-equipped to navigate verbal hostility. To this day, I’m still challenged by explosive personalities and confrontational methods.

Every now and then, I have to assist some of the most uncooperative people to ever exist. This involves helping patients who have no desire to communicate with anyone who isn’t a Doctor. Sometimes, my role requires me to aid people who are unkind and rude to the entire team. As unfair as it may seem, this is one of the realities of working in any service position. At the end of it all, I’m learning to acknowledge that everything I did within my power was necessary and that I've done Enough. 

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Dita Von Teese 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
don't slay wars
was torn sadly
saw darts only 
any last words 

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