The area looked bright yellow, much like you might see in a cornfield. Similar to a hedge-maze, but there are ceiling corners where the sky should be instead. I was talking to someone I knew in the past, describing my current events to them. The moment felt so hazy; it only took me a minute to understand that this wasn't reality. The instant they started speaking, only spiteful things came of their mouth: they relished in mocking strangers and belittling other's joys.
Disgusted, I turned away and could still hear them talking, but their voice got garbled. I needed to get away from them for my own sanity. My legs felt so heavy, as if dragging my feet through mud. Struggling to walk, I crept away at a slug's pace. I went as far as my limbs could carry me and climbed from the depths of the maze. When I came to, I found myself in bed next to my beloved, sleeping soundly. I panicked and clutched them, trying to catch my breath. His warm embrace soothed my cries.
It frustrates me to reverse-engineer an "episode" and create a false-memory for my brain. I could even go as far to say that the details don't matter, because that moment never happened. So why does it bother me this much? Imagine solving a jigsaw-puzzle without knowing what the completed image is supposed to be. In all actuality, I stopped engaging the person within the vision for the past 5 years and counting. Their memory continues to incite inner turmoil; the very thought of them is triggering.
Exploring these concepts, I realized I'm holding onto years worth of trauma. It's difficult to move on when I'm hauling so many burdens that I don't know what to do with. I've carried so much for so long that I don't know how to "let go" until the dam bursts. I know I'm examining a moment that never happened here, but at the same time I'm learning to navigate life going forward.
* * * * *
Disgusted, I turned away and could still hear them talking, but their voice got garbled. I needed to get away from them for my own sanity. My legs felt so heavy, as if dragging my feet through mud. Struggling to walk, I crept away at a slug's pace. I went as far as my limbs could carry me and climbed from the depths of the maze. When I came to, I found myself in bed next to my beloved, sleeping soundly. I panicked and clutched them, trying to catch my breath. His warm embrace soothed my cries.
It frustrates me to reverse-engineer an "episode" and create a false-memory for my brain. I could even go as far to say that the details don't matter, because that moment never happened. So why does it bother me this much? Imagine solving a jigsaw-puzzle without knowing what the completed image is supposed to be. In all actuality, I stopped engaging the person within the vision for the past 5 years and counting. Their memory continues to incite inner turmoil; the very thought of them is triggering.
Exploring these concepts, I realized I'm holding onto years worth of trauma. It's difficult to move on when I'm hauling so many burdens that I don't know what to do with. I've carried so much for so long that I don't know how to "let go" until the dam bursts. I know I'm examining a moment that never happened here, but at the same time I'm learning to navigate life going forward.
* * * * *
Fear For Closed Mind
Land of Deformed Cries
Dead Corner of Films
Cornfield of Dreams
Land of Deformed Cries
Dead Corner of Films
Cornfield of Dreams
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