When I ceased all forms of contact with the single most abusive person in my life, I decided that I needed to cut off all of the people closely tied to them as well. This involved disconnecting from a few communities during an already socially-distanced timeline, thanks to the (2019~202X) pandemic. The people who I once thought were my friends, I realize now are just as offensive as the abuser. I'm at a point in my life that if I see others actively supporting someone who consistently disrespected me in the past, I have zero reason to socialize or be cordial.
To this day, I'm coming to terms with ALL of the choices that shaped who I've become, even the actions that caused the most hurt. When I think about my past self and what it felt like to be that person, I weep for her and see an empty shell. Photos from that time show me someone who quietly carried the pain of a dysfunctional relationship, portrayed like a lifeless statue. I know social media is an exaggeration and should be taken with a grain of salt, but I realize some images of me may have been admired for the wrong reasons. I've gone to great lengths to remove myself from that and grow beyond it.
Social Media continues to be an evolving platform that I struggle with, but I must remind myself that I create the narrative. I understand that what I share is reflective of my values, so I remain mindful about what gets released publicly. I've discarded many memories of the past, and as a result, years have been erased from my timeline. Moving forward, I made it one of my intentions to prioritize footage of all the beautiful people and places that evoke my joy. Once I started operating this way, how I portray myself started changing too.
This experience has forced me to worry less about other's perceptions. In social settings, I've learned to remove myself from places when I feel unsafe or unwelcome. Actively placing boundaries between me and whoever I have no intention of connecting with has given me opportunities to be surrounded by those I care about. Self-Preservation has taught me the importance of seeking and participating in safe spaces and communities where I can thrive. All of this takes practice and consistency; I can't deny the pain of my past, so I actively model the future.
# # # # #
light punctures evil
vile clutter pushing
testing uphill curve
the living sculpture
To this day, I'm coming to terms with ALL of the choices that shaped who I've become, even the actions that caused the most hurt. When I think about my past self and what it felt like to be that person, I weep for her and see an empty shell. Photos from that time show me someone who quietly carried the pain of a dysfunctional relationship, portrayed like a lifeless statue. I know social media is an exaggeration and should be taken with a grain of salt, but I realize some images of me may have been admired for the wrong reasons. I've gone to great lengths to remove myself from that and grow beyond it.
Social Media continues to be an evolving platform that I struggle with, but I must remind myself that I create the narrative. I understand that what I share is reflective of my values, so I remain mindful about what gets released publicly. I've discarded many memories of the past, and as a result, years have been erased from my timeline. Moving forward, I made it one of my intentions to prioritize footage of all the beautiful people and places that evoke my joy. Once I started operating this way, how I portray myself started changing too.
This experience has forced me to worry less about other's perceptions. In social settings, I've learned to remove myself from places when I feel unsafe or unwelcome. Actively placing boundaries between me and whoever I have no intention of connecting with has given me opportunities to be surrounded by those I care about. Self-Preservation has taught me the importance of seeking and participating in safe spaces and communities where I can thrive. All of this takes practice and consistency; I can't deny the pain of my past, so I actively model the future.
Stagnation versus Growth is like understanding the difference between Stone carving and Topiary design.
# # # # #
light punctures evil
vile clutter pushing
testing uphill curve
the living sculpture
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