One of my goals along the current path is to return to a sense of Security. In practice, I’ve started realizing that I don’t always feel safe on my own, but I continue carrying myself everyday. In moments of silence, I find it challenging sitting with my most vulnerable, emotional self. Over time, I’ve learned that letting go of the past is difficult, because I’m releasing an old version of myself. Telling the former version of me that they no longer have to hide or cower in darkness.
Imagine releasing someone who lived so long in captivity, what can they do with their freedom?
Recently, I was advised to return to former joys in a way that feels Safe to me. One of the simplest activities has been listening old music that I used to play in the past. I struggled to shed tears while revisiting some old verses, because I wasn’t able to fully emote. I went back to a confusing chapter in life when others held hidden agendas and acted on ill intentions. It felt just like it did back then; I didn’t have a strong sense of self or mental clarity. I wasn’t sure who to trust and could not even trust myself.
I’m reminded of an old quote, "When you're happy you enjoy the music. When you're sad you understand the lyrics.” (Frank Ocean)
In my moments of stillness, I’m learning to observe past memories and acknowledge the stew of emotions that come up, instead of being triggered and completely embodying them. It still stings when revisiting memories of those who betrayed me, but I notice the urge to react becomes less and less the more that I'm able to sit with myself. Choosing my peace and my safety, is a testament to my own strength and resilience. Continue.
Imagine releasing someone who lived so long in captivity, what can they do with their freedom?
Recently, I was advised to return to former joys in a way that feels Safe to me. One of the simplest activities has been listening old music that I used to play in the past. I struggled to shed tears while revisiting some old verses, because I wasn’t able to fully emote. I went back to a confusing chapter in life when others held hidden agendas and acted on ill intentions. It felt just like it did back then; I didn’t have a strong sense of self or mental clarity. I wasn’t sure who to trust and could not even trust myself.
I’m reminded of an old quote, "When you're happy you enjoy the music. When you're sad you understand the lyrics.” (Frank Ocean)
In my moments of stillness, I’m learning to observe past memories and acknowledge the stew of emotions that come up, instead of being triggered and completely embodying them. It still stings when revisiting memories of those who betrayed me, but I notice the urge to react becomes less and less the more that I'm able to sit with myself. Choosing my peace and my safety, is a testament to my own strength and resilience. Continue.
* * * * *
With Mature Echo
We Omit Each Hurt
Threw Out a Chime
Reach Without Me
"Didn't I take you to higher places you can't reach without me?"
Comments
Post a Comment