Someone from the past reappeared on my timeline and had me feeling annoyed; I'm unsure how to respond. It's been so many years since we last spoke, but rest assured, I do remember them. If I had to reflect why I ever let them in, I think my younger self was trying to make friends. At first, I believed that's what I had, but that version of me saw people and the world through rose-colored lenses. I lifted others onto unnecessary pedestals, when they never offered me grace. I turned a blind-eye to many poor habits in exchange for what I thought was real connection.
Let's keep ourselves at a safe distance then, shall we?
As I process these memories of the past, I keep my boundaries firm and unyielding, because the version of me that exists today has no business with degenerates. I recall the moments when I was openly insulted and disrespected by them. I welcomed this person into my family home and the moment they stepped in, they had the audacity to serve backhanded comments about the food on our table. Who goes to somebody's house just to shit on a culture they know nothing about? I think MJ said it best with, “[they] wanna be startin' something."
That was insensitive. What’s their actual problem?
For reasons unknown to me, this person felt safe in my presence. While I’m thankful I can hold this kind of space for people, I've learned having proper reciprocity is the real challenge. The moment that we stepped outside among peers and friends, I was the recipient for all of their micro aggressions. Whenever they were surrounded by others, for whatever reason, I was always the problem. There wasn't any subtlety either: behind closed doors we were friends, but around everyone else, my existence was an afterthought.
Do I detect Deflection? Piss Off Then.
It's taken me awhile to understand that this person wasn't seeking genuine friendship. What's the point of befriending someone just to stay close-minded and shallow? Looking back at their behavior and how everything ended, I suspect they were being performative. They put up an entire act just to say something stupid like, "Yeah, I know her." Unwilling to respect my family or our culture, and completely disregarded me in public. This is one of the few relationships I would not tolerate quietly. I walked out on my own terms and never looked back.
I don't know if I have the capacity to forgive them in this lifetime, but I don't owe them anything. This is The End for now; They can view my life through a veil for all I care.
* * * * *
Method for Desk Diaries
Horrid Take of Misdeeds
If the Disorders Make-Do
Disko, Rise from the Dead
Thorns Rule Laws
All Hurts Worsen
User Thralls own
Shallow Returns
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