Behold, Stardust

on
For those who don't know - I grew up in an environment where relatives would judge my status in life. The stereotypical, over-achieving Asian [families] seeking the highest levels of education to gain respect. I understand that people want what's "best" for their children, but leading them to believe that it’s the only path to success can easily ruin one’s self-esteem. I hate that the family holds these kinds of expectations, as if doing any less wouldn’t grant their attention or appreciation. I stopped making appearances whenever these people came around, as I felt my presence was no longer important in that realm. If someone is doing so much in life, you’d think I couldn’t do better, then does my existence even matter? 

Now, I've noticed that when I’m among some of my peers, I experience similar highs and lows as I would with my extended families. It’s apparent who people take interest in these days, I mean - it’s so easy to gauge your appreciation of things when social media keeps track of where your “heart” is. They even designed algorithms to give us more of what we want to see, or even peek into the interests of others. You could argue that we access these venues to celebrate our favorite celebrities; observe and absorb their contributions, whether it’s audio, visual, performance art or what have you. Though, to be honest, I have never been a fan of pedestals, let alone those who “build” them to show off the stardust that’s left behind.

People have an odd way of showing their appreciation and in some cases, it may be obsessive to a point. Favoritism has always been present and there are moments when it's all that I can see in our music communities. I'm reminded of an old friend who once said, "there's something special about announcing your love for Someone," but I don't know how to feel about those who wear their heart on their sleeve. Truthfully, no one likes being out shined. I don't feel comfortable with the idea, as I feel inferior or undeserving of the light that others radiate. I’m having trouble coming to terms with it, because I never wanted to experience it in my adult life. This is not a plea to be under the limelight, or shine among stars, but I realized how braggers on bandwagons irritate me. 

I’m talking about those who invest time into people who don’t reciprocate; it can leave you feeling very empty at the end of the night. I know we become fixated with Stars, the celebrities on stage, but it takes all of the elements in the sky, all of us in the audience, to make them shine as brightly - Isn’t it interesting, how we exchange energy? Of the friends I associate with today, it would seem that some are still prone to being star struck. Others act so casually, that they treat artists like long lost family. Maybe there’s chemistry between each of them that I just can’t see. There are times when I find their behavior annoying, so I keep my interactions brief and light. My interest to forge anymore connections has faded over the course of this year, as I realized my presence is very temporary. It appears that “friendship” lasts as long as someone we know is on stage, singing, dancing, performing.

After all I’ve said, I’ll pose my question again, but now, please carefully think about the Answer - If someone is doing so much in life, you’d think I couldn’t do better, then does my existence even matter?

- - - - - 
I struggled with the title alone and tried to revolve the content around a series of recent images - Kai took photos of me at a stationary train, covered in graffiti under an orange light. I focused on the imagery of Gold-Diggers and Band Wagons, but those ideas didn't work as well as I thought they would. In this process, I realized what I wanted to communicate exists beyond the photographs. I started thinking about stars and celebrities alike: how we interact with them and perhaps show off "treasures" that don't belong to us alone. This concept still challenges and frustrates me - I really hated writing this entry, but I didn't feel comfortable moving onto other things until I could gather my thoughts and say it. Anyway, Thanks for Reading.

Related Content: 
https://puremystery.livejournal.com/158104.html - “All that Glitters” (referenced entry)

Comments

Post a Comment