Lately, I’m disappointed in others lack of care when it comes to our shared living space. I’m reluctant to write about it, because it exposes the terrible things we’ve been surrounding ourselves in. Maybe I denied it this whole time, because I wanted to believe in all of the good things that living with my family has provided. It’s true: I’m fortunate to be supported and sheltered by my parents for all these years. I've struggled with my own stability, but they have always been here. However, with the way that things are going, I can't tolerate living with everyone else anymore. I shouldn’t feel anxious or frustrated when I‘m in the house or when I’m with them, but that’s what it’s become.
Perhaps solitude is not valued when we’re all under the same roof. I can hardly relax when I‘m with my family, because they wait on me to join them for anything. I have reason to believe my parents think we’re incapable of taking care of ourselves. My brothers and I have reached our 30’s, yet they continue smothering us and now their grandchildren. This concerns me, because mom and dad have entered the retirement stage of their lives; I’m not convinced they’re enjoying it with all of us lingering. I think about what could happen if they stopped assuming full responsibility. There should be no complaints, excuses or slacking for any of the adults within this house.
Unfortunately, I live with siblings who rarely clean after themselves or their children. It’s aggravating when nothing gets done, so who takes initiative? Myself, my mother, my father. Why does it feel like others continue taking that dependent role? It has been this way for the last few years or so; might even be longer - I didn’t take notice until more recently, because I’ve been doing lots of growing on my own. I don’t know what it would take for them to change their lifestyles or behave as self-sufficient people. I don’t know who thought that having (two) children without securing a home would be a good idea. I don’t know why we tolerate any of this, let alone poor attitudes.
My toddler niece (Quinn) and newborn nephew (Ace) are seemingly healthy on the outside, though I can’t help but wonder how our actions and presence influence them. Being “guarded” by parental figures who argue and bicker over petty things. Having grandparents who are full-time sitters because the parents are “too tired" or "can't deal" with having that much responsibility. Jumping back and forth between living spaces, because their mother refuses to make amends with her own. It often worries me that this will severely traumatize them. I don’t know that this helps or nurtures anyone. They need to Grow Up and be the parents their children need them to be.
I wish my family would stop ignoring their imperfections and do something about it; they need to pay attention to what's actually happening as a unit. I heard that our immune system weakens when we're severely depressed, so it makes me wonder what everyone else is thinking and going through at this time. I find myself feeling worn out and heart broken every night that I lie down to rest. I can’t ignore how it makes me feel, but I Will get through it. I know that they can grow and evolve if they worked on themselves too, but it’s become painfully clear that they struggle to see their errors. I wish them well and pray for the best, but I don’t see myself taking any part of this.
It’s easy to say I’m disappointed in all of it, but it doesn’t dismiss how draining this whole experience is. I’m not even trying to be the vigilante anymore, because no one acknowledges what goes on right in front of them. It’s upsetting to sit among them and tolerate our meals together, but I can't even bring myself to do that anymore. I understand that nobody is perfect, though I don’t see any of my siblings trying to improve themselves at this time. It saddens me to say I think we've all gotten worse. I want to vacate this home sooner than later, though I wish the conditions were better - If they refuse to change themselves, the best thing I can do is start seeing myself out.
Welcome to Our Haus.
- - - - -
Alternate Title: Holding On Makes Everyone Suffer (HOMES).
Related Content:
http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/12/hero-hotline.html - “Hero Hotline” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/11/broken-backbone.html - “Broken Backbone” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/06/alone-together.html - "Alone Together" http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/09/forever-after.html - “Forever After” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/05/hibernation.html - “Hibernation”
Perhaps solitude is not valued when we’re all under the same roof. I can hardly relax when I‘m with my family, because they wait on me to join them for anything. I have reason to believe my parents think we’re incapable of taking care of ourselves. My brothers and I have reached our 30’s, yet they continue smothering us and now their grandchildren. This concerns me, because mom and dad have entered the retirement stage of their lives; I’m not convinced they’re enjoying it with all of us lingering. I think about what could happen if they stopped assuming full responsibility. There should be no complaints, excuses or slacking for any of the adults within this house.
Unfortunately, I live with siblings who rarely clean after themselves or their children. It’s aggravating when nothing gets done, so who takes initiative? Myself, my mother, my father. Why does it feel like others continue taking that dependent role? It has been this way for the last few years or so; might even be longer - I didn’t take notice until more recently, because I’ve been doing lots of growing on my own. I don’t know what it would take for them to change their lifestyles or behave as self-sufficient people. I don’t know who thought that having (two) children without securing a home would be a good idea. I don’t know why we tolerate any of this, let alone poor attitudes.
My toddler niece (Quinn) and newborn nephew (Ace) are seemingly healthy on the outside, though I can’t help but wonder how our actions and presence influence them. Being “guarded” by parental figures who argue and bicker over petty things. Having grandparents who are full-time sitters because the parents are “too tired" or "can't deal" with having that much responsibility. Jumping back and forth between living spaces, because their mother refuses to make amends with her own. It often worries me that this will severely traumatize them. I don’t know that this helps or nurtures anyone. They need to Grow Up and be the parents their children need them to be.
I wish my family would stop ignoring their imperfections and do something about it; they need to pay attention to what's actually happening as a unit. I heard that our immune system weakens when we're severely depressed, so it makes me wonder what everyone else is thinking and going through at this time. I find myself feeling worn out and heart broken every night that I lie down to rest. I can’t ignore how it makes me feel, but I Will get through it. I know that they can grow and evolve if they worked on themselves too, but it’s become painfully clear that they struggle to see their errors. I wish them well and pray for the best, but I don’t see myself taking any part of this.
It’s easy to say I’m disappointed in all of it, but it doesn’t dismiss how draining this whole experience is. I’m not even trying to be the vigilante anymore, because no one acknowledges what goes on right in front of them. It’s upsetting to sit among them and tolerate our meals together, but I can't even bring myself to do that anymore. I understand that nobody is perfect, though I don’t see any of my siblings trying to improve themselves at this time. It saddens me to say I think we've all gotten worse. I want to vacate this home sooner than later, though I wish the conditions were better - If they refuse to change themselves, the best thing I can do is start seeing myself out.
Welcome to Our Haus.
- - - - -
Alternate Title: Holding On Makes Everyone Suffer (HOMES).
Related Content:
http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/12/hero-hotline.html - “Hero Hotline” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/11/broken-backbone.html - “Broken Backbone” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/06/alone-together.html - "Alone Together" http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/09/forever-after.html - “Forever After” http://atcampiris.blogspot.com/2017/05/hibernation.html - “Hibernation”
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